Created and Produced by Dams Up Water

Once upon a time, high in the snowy mountains, there was a cheerful little town called South Park. The people there liked cocoa with extra marshmallows, sledding down Big Frosty Hill, and solving their problems with polite town meetings.

One winter morning, however, the mayor rang the bell in the square with a very worried clang.

The Woodland Critters—who lived in the Whispering Pines just outside of town—had taken up some very dark and gloomy habits. They had begun chanting to a grumpy old idol named Moloch and holding midnight ceremonies that made the owls nervous and the squirrels lose sleep. Worst of all, a terrible mistake had been made, and a local child had been lost in one of their misguided rituals.

The whole town agreed: something must be done.

So they hired the most unusual, most industrious law firm in all the Rockies:

Weasel, Badger, Beaver, Mink, and Otter — Attorneys at Paw.

Every morning, as they marched into their tidy little office built into a hollow log, they sang their theme song in bright, bouncing harmony:

“We are Weasel Badger Beaver Mink and Otter
Charted in the firm of the five clans, partners
Gather round for Weasel Badger Beaver Mink and Otter
Produced and created by Dams Up Water!”

They wore tiny waistcoats. They carried briefcases made of bark. Beaver handled paperwork. Badger specialized in stern speeches. Mink negotiated with flair. Weasel drafted clever contracts. And Otter? Otter made sure everyone got along.

When the firm received the call from South Park, they took the case at once.

“This isn’t a matter for claws,” said Badger, adjusting his spectacles.
“It’s a matter for cause,” added Weasel wisely.
“And perhaps applause!” Otter said, though no one quite knew what he meant.

The five partners hiked to the Whispering Pines and found the Woodland Critters gathered around a smoky clearing. The critters looked tired. Their once-bright fur was dull. Their little antlers drooped.

Beaver stepped forward politely. “We’ve come on behalf of the town.”

The critters bristled at first. But Mink laid out a velvet scroll.

“We are not here to scold,” she said. “We are here to propose a better arrangement.”

Otter unrolled a colorful poster titled:

“Alternative Activities to Midnight Gloom.”

It included:

• Moonlight Marshmallow Roasts
• Cooperative Acorn Banking
• Interpretive Leaf Dancing
• Community Service Saturdays

“And absolutely no more sacrifices,” added Badger firmly. “Ever.”

The Woodland Critters shuffled their paws.

“But Moloch promised us power,” muttered a porcupine.

“Power?” said Weasel gently. “Real power is building something together.”

Beaver thumped his tail proudly. “Like a dam!”

“And harmony,” Otter chimed. “Like a song!”

The five partners burst into their theme song once more, this time adding a new verse:

“When the woods grow dark and you’ve lost your way
There’s a brighter path in the light of day
Put aside the gloom and the smoky altar
Join the firm of Weasel Badger Beaver Mink and Otter!”

Slowly, one by one, the Woodland Critters began to sway. The gloomy idol was quietly set aside. The candles were replaced with lanterns. The clearing was swept clean.

The critters agreed to sign a very long, very official document titled:

The Pinecone Promise of Peaceful Woodland Conduct.

It stated that no more dark rituals would ever take place, and that all woodland gatherings would involve snacks, singing, and community gardening instead.

The town of South Park welcomed the Woodland Critters back with open arms (and some cautious supervision). Together they planted new saplings in memory of what had been lost, promising to grow something brighter from the soil.

And from that day forward, whenever trouble stirred in the mountains, five small figures in waistcoats would march in singing:

“We are Weasel Badger Beaver Mink and Otter
Charted in the firm of the five clans, partners
Gather round for Weasel Badger Beaver Mink and Otter
Produced and created by Dams Up Water!”

Because even in the chilliest forests, the warmest magic of all is choosing to do better than yesterday.

And that, dear reader, is the law.

[composed with artificial intelligence]