in the year 2020 when the temple was in building,
there she appeared in my pasture
selling her wares, the market, corner—
claiming, later, that
she had spied me sooner
than I had her
when walking by the open door I startled
at the sight of her backside…

she had said, “I saw you
through the window, across the street,”
leading me in hindsight to believe
that all the ensuing trouble was prescribed…

for I was just a simpleminded seaman
in a ship
not insured
by anyone soever
sailing aimlessly
and so recently heartbroken
when I head that siren call
divert me from my deep peregrination…

the gentleman from new york
just so happened to be with me
that day, visiting federal city
with his girlfriend at that time,
as so often happened,
just as it so often happened
with my previous associate,
with whom I no longer commune…

and when the Lord bade me that summer
to raise up the walls of my temple,
there she was in the garden witnessing—
she handed me a roofing shingle—
in my leisure she exhibited her yoga…

later in the year 2025, that selfsame roof
would be felled
along with the upper of the building
and it would be rebuilt,

for the siren’s call did not divert me from,
but resolutely toward,
my divinely fated mission
by and through the rubble
of the wreckage of my vessel
and the loss at sea
sustained that day in 2023
by and through the body
of that woman
on the water
of the belly
of deepness
of the sea,
which water broke
upon the shore
of the beach
which had all dried up
where my first baby
is still being born

(… though her soul resteth eternal
in the peace of her heavenly Father,
her word is borne unto me unceasing
when I revisit that place in my mind;
the waters of her spirit washeth over me…)

there were other babies surely,
but I was just a seaman,
and simpleminded yet,
when I acquiesced
to their unnatural
ending…

(have the E-files accessed memory
we’ve filed away in storage deep…
we think that we can pick and choose
the memories we seek to keep…)

who but I shall mourn them?
surely their spirits are with me,
their souls speak quieter still
resting peacefully in the heavenly
waters above.

I do not even dare to think
on how her mother pledged that coven,
or even how her mother led the chapter,
or what my mother said to me…
all in the same of independence
and female self-sufficiency…

O Lord my God,
Have Mercy on me,
a sinner.