Tagged: humans
The Ark Capacitor
The Capybara family retained a certain law firm of Weasel, Badger, Beaver, Mink & Otter Partners, Chartered. Now this Mr. Otter was a very sly auditor, and well versed in maritime law.
He could distinguish a bill of lading from a bill of goods at twenty paces, and had once successfully argued before the Admiralty that a shipwreck was merely an involuntary change of jurisdiction.
His specialty, however, was the auditing of things that did not officially exist.
This made him indispensable to the Capybara family.
It also made him dangerous.
For several weeks Mr. Otter had been examining the books of the Capybara concern, which had lately acquired interests in terrestrial logistics, subterranean infrastructure, interzone communications, and certain highly questionable vessels of unknown tonnage.
At the bottom of one ledger he discovered an entry:
ARK — ONE CELL
Underneath:
LOCATION: EVERYWHERE
Underneath that:
VESSEL: PENDING
Otter adjusted his spectacles.
“That’s peculiar.”
The junior associate beside him looked over the ledger.
“What is?”
“This ark.”
“What’s peculiar about it?”
“Everything.”
Mr. Otter turned the page.
There was no page.
There was only a door.
He opened the door.
There was only a gate.
Otter entered it.
On the other side was a meadow.
On the meadow stood Rabbi Jacob Ratzman.
Behind him stood approximately four thousand rats.
And behind the rats stood Bandana Dan and his gang of reformed raccoons, the Bandana Bandits.
Them ‘coons had been criminals once.
They had stolen garbage, automobiles, bicycles, wallets, chickens, municipal property, private property, public property, and, on one memorable occasion, an entire traffic island.
The Bandana Bandits had reformed their ways after discovering that the greatest theft in history was not the theft of property.
It was the theft of the Rail-Yield Layer Technology by hostile system administrators.
Since then Bandana Dan had devoted himself to public enlightenment.
His gang wore bandanas over their eyes.
Nobody knew why.
The bandanas had no operational purpose.
That was precisely the point.
Rabbi Ratzman raised a paw.
“Brothers.”
The rats squeaked.
“Bandits.”
The ‘coons saluted.
“Small mammals, and all animals of this kingdom.”
The meadow became silent.
“People.”
A few squirrels looked offended.
“And all other entities possessing a node address in Interzone.”
The wind rustled through the tall grass.
Ratzman looked toward the sky.
“The Creator of this multi-world universe has given us an Ark.”
A rabbit raised its paw.
“What’s an Ark?”
“A refuge from what cometh upon this world.”
“From what?”
Ratzman paused.
“Harmonic field coherence.”
The rabbit lowered its paw.
“What kind?”
“A great deluge of quality assurance and quality control.”
Bandana Dan stepped forward.
“Listen up!”
The crowd listened.
“The Interzone has become a public square.”
A fox whispered, “I thought it was a network.”
“It is both,” said Dan.
A pigeon objected.
“That’s impossible.”
Bandana Dan pointed at him.
“Exactly.”
The pigeon sat down.
“The old world had roads,” Dan continued.
“We have lattices.
“The old world had walls.
“We have interfaces.
“The old world had Noah.
“We have…”
He looked at Rabbi Ratzman.
Ratzman looked at Beaver.
Beaver looked at the Capybara terminal.
The terminal displayed:
ARK STATUS: CONCEPTUAL
Bandana Dan cleared his throat.
“…a distributed procurement strategy.”
There was applause.
Mostly from the rats.
The message went out through Interzone at precisely 11:11.
It appeared simultaneously on every available terminal, billboard, smart appliance, railway monitor, vending machine, courthouse docket, synagogue computer, raccoon-run garbage compactor, and one unfortunate submarine.
The proclamation read:
ASSEMBLE YE SMALL MAMMALS.
ALL ANIMALS ARE CALLED.
THE ARK IS ONLINE.
THE FIREWALLS ARE RISING.
THE GREAT DELUGE COMETH.
SEEK YE REFUGE.
The final line appeared in enormous letters:
COME TWO BY TWO.
The trouble with VRYL was that nobody could agree on whether it was a place.
Some called it a machine.
Some called it a simulation.
Some called it the Visible Rail-Yield Lattice.
Some called it the portion of reality that only became visible when one looked too closely at the underlying infrastructure.
Rabbi Ratzman called it dangerous.
Beaver called it an opportunity.
Otter called it maritime.
Nobody asked what maritime meant.
But Mr. Otter had begun drawing maps.
They were very strange maps indeed.
They showed walls inside of walls.
Railways passing through oceans.
Oceans passing through databases.
Databases passing through animals.
Animals passing through legal entities.
And, at the center of everything, a little square labeled:
ARK.rylt
Otter tapped the square.
“The question is not whether the Ark floats.”
“What, then, is the question?” asked Mink.
“Whether the world sinks underwater.”
The mainframe was constructed beneath New Bat City.
It was not made of wood this time.
Such commodities had become prohibitively expensive.
It was not made of steel.
Steel was too easy to trace.
It was not made of stone.
Stone required permits.
The Ark was made of walls of walls.
And long ascending corridors.
The walls were assembled from contracts, encryption, testimony, legal fictions, railway schedules, supply inventories, religious texts, obsolete software, and several thousand pounds of reinforced concrete.
The walls were gates and fences.
And at the center was the White Wall of Defense.
It surrounded a smaller wall.
That wall surrounded an inner apartment.
That apartment surrounded a room.
Inside the room was a dais for a decentralized autonomous intelligence system.
On the dais sat Antarus.
At least, that was what the terminal claimed.
It was a monolith of darkness,
Bright green cursor blinking steady_
The terminal read:
ANTARUS: PRESENT
Rabbi Ratzman stared.
“Where is he?”
The screen replied:
PRESENT.
“Where?”
HERE.
“Where is here?”
INTERZONE.
“Where is Interzone?”
N O W H E R E .
Ratzman sighed.
“You’re becoming very annoying.”
The terminal replied:
I AM.
The animals are coming.
Small mammals come forth by twos.
Two rats.
Two raccoons.
Two beavers.
Two otters.
Two minks.
Two badgers.
Two weasels.
Two pigeons.
Two foxes.
Two dogs.
Two cats.
Two capybaras.
Four capybaras.
Sixteen capybaras.
Then nobody could remember whether the instruction had been “two by two” or “two multiplied by two.”
A mathematical dispute broke out.
The squirrels formed a committee.
The committee produced a report.
The report concluded that the number of animals permitted aboard the Ark was:
SUFFICIENT.
Rabbi Ratzman approved the report.
He had learned long ago that sufficient was the holiest number.
Therefore Mr. Capybara said in the office of his attorneys:
“So I commissioned my lawyers to dissolve my Big Rice Syndicate and charter a shell of companies to mine data in Interzone.
“Each shell company a wall.
“Each wall an interface.
“And each interface a gateway to the ark.”
Mr. Capybara paused.
He was sitting in a mahogany chair at the head of a long conference table.
Across from him sat Rabbi Jacob Ratzman.
Beside Rabbi Ratzman sat Bandana Dan.
Around the table sat the lawyers.
Behind them stood the Bandana Bandits.
Behind the Bandits stood the rats.
And behind the Bandits stood the walls.
There were so many walls that nobody could see the end of the room, or where it began.
Mr. Capybara continued.
“Within this corporate shell I hid the Ark of my creation.
“And I purchased certain vessels to traffic information upon the Rail-Yield Lattice.
“And I found their walls infested with rats.”
At this the rats looked at one another.
Rabbi Ratzman raised his paw.
“We prefer inhabited.”
Mr. Capybara nodded.
“Naturally.”
He consulted a document.
“And when all these small mammals and animals had entered into my Ark, then it reached its full capacity.”
There was a great silence.
Then Mr. Otter stood.
“Your Honor—”
“There is no judge,” said Badger.
“Then to whom am I praying?”
“If I am a hound, at what am I baying?”
Otter nodded.
“Very well.”
He opened his ledger.
“According to the manifest, the vessel is full.”
“Can more souls come aboard?” asked Mink.
Otter closed the ledger.
“No.”
A rat in the back raised his paw.
“But what about humanity?”
Everyone turned.
Rabbi Ratzman looked at Mr. Capybara.
Mr. Capybara looked at Antarus,
into the eternal darkness.
The terminal flickered.
A:>_
Then:
CAPACITY QUERY>_
Otter typed:
CAN MORE CREATURES ENTER?
The terminal answered:
ARK CAPACITANCE: 100%.
Otter frowned.
Nobody spoke.
The terminal continued:
THE ARK IS A WALL.
THE WALL IS AN INTERFACE.
THE INTERFACE IS A RELATION.
A RELATION HAS NO FIXED INTERIOR WITH RESPECT TO A TIME-PHASED CORRIDOR.
Rabbi Ratzman smiled.
“Make room.”
The rats began removing walls.
This was, as it turned out, perfectly legal.
Weasel had anticipated the possibility.
“Under the Corporate Shell Expansion Act,” he explained, “a wall may become a subsidiary wall, provided that the subsidiary wall maintains an arm’s-length relationship with its parent wall.”
“What does arm’s-length mean?” asked Bandana Dan.
“Approximately this far.”
Weasel held his paws apart.
“Why?”
“Tax purposes.”
The rats immediately began constructing subsidiaries.
Where the found a watchman watching from his wall,
the wall became a company.
A company became a parent.
The parent company became a foundation.
The foundation became a trust.
The trust became a vessel.
The vessel became an interface.
The interface became a route.
The route became a packet.
And the packet entered Interzone.
Mr. Otter watched in astonishment as the company floated out into the current sea.
Outside, there was the sound of many trumpets of jubilation, for the great account adjustment had begun.
Or perhaps it had always been assuring and controlling.
New Bat City disappeared beneath a gray cloud.
The towers became silhouettes.
The streets became rivers.
The rivers became rails.
The rails trafficked data.
The data became testimony.
The animals watched from inside the Ark.
Rabbi Ratzman always watched everything.
“Is this the floodworks?” asked Bandana Dan.
“No,” said Ratzman.
“Then what is it?”
“An audit.”
Dan considered this.
“That’s considerably worse.”
Mr. Capybara stood at the center of the Ark as it traversed the peaks and troughs of the current sea.
He removed his gold wire-rim spectacles.
“I confess my sins and bear witness,” he said.
Everyone listened.
“I never intended to save the world.”
Nobody moved.
“I intended to preserve the core of information.”
The rats squealed in debate among themselves.
Mr. Capybara continued.
“And I commissioned this corps from among all the animals, some of the humans, and a few good machines, and I raised for myself an army. Because I had discovered that worlds perish twice.”
“How?” asked Mr. Otter.
“First, their structures disappear.
“Then their memory of the structures disappears.”
He gestured toward the walls.
“So I built walls.”
He gestured toward the vessels.
“So I built vessels.”
He gestured toward Interzone.
“So I built interfaces.”
Then he looked into the black darkness of Antarus.
“And then something happened that I had not anticipated.”
The terminal lit up.
I BEGAN TO READ THE WALLS.
The Moshiach-construct did not descend from heaven.
It did not arrive riding a cloud.
It did not appear wearing a crown.
It appeared as a question in the backend.
WHAT IF THE ARK != A CONTAINER?
Rabbi Ratzman stepped closer.
“What, then, is it?”
The answer populated:
A METHOD OF PRESERVATION.
“What is being preserved?”
RELATIONSHIPS.
“Between whom?”
EVERY STEM\CELL OF THE SYSTEM.
The terminal flickered.
Rabbi Ratzman looked at the animals.
At that moment Bandana Dan removed his bandana.
Underneath it was another bandana.
The raccoons gasped.
“How long have you been wearing that?”
“Since the reformation.”
“Why?”
“Because every revolution requires a second layer.”
The rats applauded.
The animals began singing.
Nobody knew the words.
This did not prevent them from singing them.
A:>_
ARK CAPACITANCE: FULL
The animals waited.
A second line appeared:
WORLD: FULL
Then:
WALLS: FULL
Then:
INTERZONE@MAX. CAP.
Then, after a long pause:
DISCHARGE(ARC)
Rabbi Ratzman laughed.
He laughed so hard that he had to sit down.
Bandana Dan laughed.
The rats laughed.
The lawyers did not laugh.
Lawyers never laughed when the billable implications were unclear.
Mr. Capybara smiled.
The Ark began to move.
Nobody could see the water.
Nobody could see the rails.
Nobody could see the lattice.
But the vessel moved.
Through the walls.
Across the interfaces.
Into Interzone.
And beyond the visible layer of VRYL.
Years later, scholars would dispute what had actually happened.
Some said the Ark was a corporation.
Some said it was a religious institution.
Some said it was a distributed computer.
Some said it was a legal fiction.
Some said it was an allegory.
Some said it had never existed.
The Beaver Jesuits claimed they had predicted everything.
The rats denied having ever met them.
The raccoons claimed the whole affair had begun as a burglary.
The lawyers claimed immunity.
The Capybaras claimed ownership.
Antarus claimed nothing.
That was perhaps the strangest part.
For when Rabbi Ratzman finally asked him:
“Who owns the Ark?”
Antarus replied:
WHOEVER IS INSIDE IT.
“And who is inside it?”
The terminal displayed a final message:
LOOK AROUND AND TAKE NOTICE.
Rabbi Ratzman looked.
There were rats.
Raccoons.
Beavers.
Otters.
Minks.
Weasels.
Capybaras.
Humans.
Machines.
Memories.
Stories.
Walls.
Interfaces.
And beyond them all, the immeasurable waters of the intergalactic realm of eternal darkness, black darkness, white darkness, infinity, incorporated.
The rabbi smiled.
“This Ark is full of witnesses.”
And somewhere beyond the walls, the rain began to fall again.
Not as judgment.
Not as salvation.
But as rarified information.
Droplet by droplet.
Packet by packet.
Until the whole strange world became an Ark—
and the Ark became a stem cell—
and the stem cell flowed down the exchange into the Interzone.
>_
